I know it's been awhile since I've written.
I was overwhelmed and confused about which direction I wanted to take my life and my business.
I tend to get lost in this overwhelm when I'm focused on what's going on around me instead of what's going on within me, so I decided to unplug for awhile in order to figure out my intention, my message, and my plan.
As I sat in meditation, the message became crystal clear. I was spending too much time engaged in activities that were draining me; too much time on social media, specifically.
What I needed was personal connection. I wanted to be with and around people again.
Reaching out seemed a little daunting at first.
I'd avoided socializing for so long, small talk had become awkward and uncomfortable. I was out of practice.
The reintegration process was slow, but I gave myself the grace to do it imperfectly.
With time and consistent effort, conversing became less awkward. Meetings with friends and clients quickly became more frequent.
I decided I was ready to serve again and wanted to give back in a bigger, more meaningful way. I'd grown tired of only "telling" my story. I wanted to be of service again.
In early March, I created a vision board.
It took several days to assemble, as I painfully deliberated over every picture and word choice. (I wasn't sure it would ever get done.)
One of the last words I added was "author." I hesitated, because I knew pasting that word would also mean committing to taking right action. (Me? Write a book?! YIKES!)
I took a leap and did it anyway.
A few days later it became clear that writing an e-book would be the next step toward building my platform. Specifically, writing a book that would help wake people from the nightmare of suicide loss.
I remembered receiving information in December from a book coach named Angela Lauria who helped people write books that "made a difference."
Her videos were full of powerful information that made good sense, and she had a straight forward, easy to understand approach that appealed to me. I scrolled back through the messages and downloaded her e-book. I started her writing process and, shortly after, applied to work with her.
My vision was clear and my answers were short. (Too short, I thought, to come from a prospective writer.) "Oh well, " I thought, "At least I'm willing to give it a shot. It doesn't matter if they reject me. At least I'll know I tried."
Within several days they called me with a few questions regarding my book idea. They liked my message and set up an official interview. For the first time in years, I realized the stirring I felt inside wasn't fear...
I was excited!
I felt alive again, and doors were opening (and God was rearranging my world to support my vision)! Once my mind was made up, things moved very quickly! That's the power of clarity, intention, and focus, and it felt like a beautiful whirlwind.
About 20 applicants (out of 400+ per month) get accepted into Angela's program, and I became one of them! Can you believe it?
I focused my gaze and took right action. I stepped away from my doubts and into the life of the person I wanted to be. Me, without my bullshit stories of "too much" and "not enough."
I want my kids to know that anything is possible at any age, and they can do and be whatever and whomever they wish. I pray my example is a good one, so we can continue pushing past the multi-generational barriers that have held us back for so long.
I encourage you to uncover your dreams and create your vision. It's never too late to begin, and you never know what could be waiting on the other side of your fear and resistance.
The only things I've discovered are endless possibilities.
Together, in our relentless searching, we're breaking the cycle of confusion and pain.
In the end, that's all that really matters, because that's where love begins.
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R Jade McAuliffe-
Author, coach, mom and poet; believer in things unseen.
"Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o'er wrought heart and bids it break."